Gramps

Maaa maaaann!

Not to sound too much like Sinead O'Connor's hit 'Nothing compares to you', but it has been 22 days and around 10 hours since my grandpa, Bernard Louis Gosschalk, died.

Making it to 91 years is a heck of an innings - bearing in mind the myriad of health problems Gramps had - but to me, and many others, the world is a darker and less beautiful place.

The passing of Gramps causes a heartache that I am not sure will ever heal but equally what Gramps meant to me and those that loved him is something nobody can ever steal.
I find it hard to sleep these days, as my thoughts invariably drift to him. At least in my dreams there is a vestige of my hero that I can spend time with. He burned the candle at both ends and it gave off a lovely light (Edna St Vincent Millay), but that light has been extinguished.
The planet has been depopulated with an 'oy vey' here and a 'shucks' there.
Undoubtedly cheese sales will most certainly take a hit at Jarlsberg - one of his faves.
The day Gramps left this world was the worst day of my life, his funeral overwhelmingly melancholic.

Quite simply, I worshipped the man in so many ways. I suppose I had this puerile image that Gramps was invincible, that the big man would be with me forever - I was wrong.

To paraphrase novelist and poet Lawrence Durrell: "The best way to get over someone is to turn them into literature."
That, and reading his autobiography Gramps made for the family, is what I will try to do.

So who was BLG?
Gramps was born in Port Elizabeth, South Africa, in 1925.
BLG studied, practiced and then taught architecture.
Together Gramps and his wife Ruth did all they could to oppose the Apartheid regime, the former went to prison twice for, in short, supposedly betraying his 'race' and fighting for black rights and the latter, with her young children, being put under house arrest for the same sort of thing.
Gramps was tortured by the police and beaten to make up lies that certain blacks did certain things, but he was unmoved, or as it goes in one of his favourite poems 'Invictus' - his head was bloody, but unbowed. He was the master of his fate, he was the captain of his soul.

One legend with another!

The pair also campaigned for women's rights, before getting thrown out of the country in 1966 for helping the black cause. No actual crimes were committed by the two but that didn't matter then.

In 1994, Gramps was personally thanked by Nelson Mandela himself (that photo has sat by my bedside for many years) for his efforts in the anti-apartheid struggle. As he said, "Gosschalks never surrender."
That is just a glimpse into why we treasured him.

Gramps also possessed a brilliant mind, rapier-like wit and a kindness that made you feel very special. Oh, and a healthy dollop of kookiness. Now that I have in spades, the kookiness bit.
Of the many wonderful stories that I have of my grandpa, one sticks out.

In the late 1940's, The Queen Mother paid a visit to the University of Cape Town, where Gramps was reading architecture. To toast her arrival, a bottle of Bristol Cream sherry was laid out for her and as a representative of the university, Gramps was there to greet her.
Whilst old Elizabeth was touring the facility, an interesting idea began to fester in BLG's mind.
Gramps and a friend of his rushed down to the university bar and bought a shoddy bottle of sherry - I think you know where I am going with this...
When nobody was around, they ever so sneakily emptied the vile liquid into the container and then made off with the precious drink themselves.
They returned not long after to watch the Royal Family guzzle down that bitter drink without a flicker of disgust or any emotion on their face. I can only begin to imagine what it must have been like to witness that.

Kooky!

So that was the time my beloved Gramps robbed the Royal Family. He said he would write a letter of apology one day, but I do not think he ever did.

I always knew Gramps was cut from a different cloth but it was only when I finally got my act together, became autodidactic and developed a feverish thirst for knowledge just before I turned 21, did I fully appreciate what a wonder he was.

When he moved from his house in Manchester to a care home in East Finchley around three years ago, we became very close. I would go along to the home, alone, and we would have history lessons together for many hours - maybe with a cheeky glass of Appletiser, god's nectar, or two.
Without fail he would tell me, in such detail, the ins and outs about the Munroe Doctrine, about Otto Von Bismarck, the Ancient Greeks and, most important of all, the significance of why Ricky Ponting chose to bowl first at Edgbaston in that legendary second test in the 2005 Ashes.

But time waits for no man and with each visit, Gramps' health declined and our chats became shorter and more one-sided. BLG would curse his memory, his increasing frailness and what life was becoming for him - a nightmare.

He had already been hit with strokes, skin cancer and the loss of two wives, firstly Ruth to cancer in 1994 and then his second wife Zelda to Alzheimer's in the mid noughties.
To see my hero reduced to skin and bones was soul destroying.
I was torn between not wanting my living deity to pass on but being very aware that Gramps was in agony and wanting nothing more than to die.

Gramps got his wish on March 4, the hurt is over. Gramps is now free.

For now, at least, I have not really come to terms with that. Since his death I have composed two emails asking him questions before stopping myself short and realising he won't answer them. It is so very hard to accept.
Because I loved him with a longing, I loved him without knowing how, or when, or from where. I loved him straightforwardly, without complexities or pride. I loved him because I know no other way than this (Pablo Neruda).

A verse that changed my life for the better was reading the words of Walt Whitman in his poem 'Oh me, oh life.'

Happier, sleepier times

"That the powerful plays goes on and you may contribute a verse."
That is a mantra I think we should all live by. But what will your verse be?
Gramps carved out an extraordinary verse or two in his life and it made my life and the lives of countless others immeasurably better.

I will never forget when Gramps said he had tears of joy when I got my first job in journalism and I know that Gramps was incredibly proud of his four fantastic children, his many wonderful grandchildren and now his little great grandchild, Lara.

It was a privilege to follow you my brother, my teacher, my legend.
Thank you Gramps, I loved you more than you ever knew.
Thank you for teaching us all how to be heroes.

P.S. We did this for his 90th birthday :D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GbskIlK__I

Barack Obama: "He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy!"

There is no doubt Barack Obama is a polarizing figure and certainly divides opinion. Those on the left treat him with reverence and lament his imminent departure as the Commander in Chief and those on the right see him as a malevolent being that is the Devil incarnate.

A Nobel Peace Prize winner who dropped more than 26,000 bombs in 2016. Hmm.
Usually my blogs are lighthearted and sanguine affairs (apart from my recent, out of character tirades that have nothing remotely to do with the 'World of Sport').
But at this juncture comrades, I regret to say, there will be an unpleasant switch. The atmosphere will change, the storm clouds will gather and before we know where we are, the jarring note of tedious verbosity will come bounding onto the scene.
In this piece I will blaspheme and criticise Obama. Say it ain't so shoeless Joe! Sorry Joe, can't do that. This is focusing on Obama's ups and downs and not comparing him to anyone else. Therefore, I will try to keep this brief.

First off I will rattle off the good he has done.Releasing around 1,000 non-violent drug offenders. The prison system in the US is nuts. America are number one in the world for military spending, incarceration rate and for the number of people who believe in Angels. Fact. Obama doing this is a massive tick in his column and is just common sense. Some of these guys had decade long sentences for smoking some pot. Asinine.

The Iran deal. Again, Obama should be applauded for this imo. Cutting off Iran's path to a nuke by reducing its uranium stockpile, limit research activities, more inspections and ending the crippling sanctions bogging the country down.

Opening up trade with Cuba. This was fairly historic. Ending a nonsensical hostility with Cuba which should do wonders for both parties. Bailed out the auto industry which most say worked, improved overtime rules for lower paid workers and cut the deficit in half to about $600b.
He gutted the Keystone and Dakota access pipelines, which were Republican wet dreams and bad for the environment, ended off-shore drilling in the Arctic and was part of the Paris Agreement to limit fossil fuel use.
They also killed Osama Bin Laden, did a watered down wall street reform in Dodd Frank, came out in favour of gay marriage and ushered in Obamacare that made more than 10m people get affordable health insurance - a definite step in the right direction.

Now to the not so good stuff. Under Obama, the US has committed some heinous acts, namely drone strikes.
If the principles for the Nuremberg Trials were still in place today, indictment and death would be the punishment for this President as it was for high ranking officials of the Third Reich.
I am not saying in anyway this is on the same level as that but I think that nearly 800 civilians from drone strikes being murdered is despicable.
Families, women and children slaughtered at weddings, funerals, hospitals, schools, in their homes and on their streets.

The drone program has been put on steroids from the George W. Bush days. The US has used these silent killers in Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Mali, Pakistan, Yemen and Somalia. For what gain?

Nobel Prize winner Malala Yousafzai pointed out to Obama that droning "fuels terrorism" and "kills innocent victims". Terrorists by the handful may perish but hundreds more shall be birthed into society following it.

Don't just laud him because you think he is "cool". Also how about giving billions and billions in weapons to Saudi Arabia who have killed nearly 4,000 civilians in Yemen? Or how about $38b to Israel who have used that to continue with illegal settlements? 'Yes we can'... kill thousands of innocent people. Great.

There's more. The city of Flint in Michigan has been without clean water since 2014. The record for mass deportation has been smashed under Obama.He was a cheerleader for the Trans Pacific Partnership which would outsource hundreds of thousands of American jobs, drive down wages, allow countries that tolerate slavery (like Malaysia) and Brunei (who implemented Sharia Law recently) to benefit from the deal.
He expanded NSA spying and heavily punished Edward Snowden and Chelsea Manning who highlighted the awful things the US government were doing, bailed out Wall Street and did NOTHING to try and get money out of politics, the issue that means that everyone in the US political system is bought and paid for and works for corporate interests and not the people.

The first black President, who garnered over 90% of the black vote, was treated as a messiah like figure when he was running for President.Eight years later, are things better for black people?According to the Pew Research Center at the end of 2014, the black poverty rate was 27.2%, up from 25.8% when he took office.
Black on black crime in cities like Chicago, Atlanta and Baltimore has been at an all time high under Obama.Median income in "minority households" fell 9% between 2010 and 2013, compared to a drop of 1% for whites and net-worth for blacks has fallen.
In 2009, white households were seven times richer than their black counterparts and as of 2014 that gap grew to eight times richer. Maybe this is why more blacks voted for a Republican than they have in a long time.

He did have an obstructionist Congress but he also had a majority where he did not push through progressive reforms on education, healthcare, closing Guantanamo Bay, drug reform etc.
Obama was a step in the right direction for many things BUT in other areas he was far from a saint.

Things that got my goat in 2016

The indefatigable raconteur, luminary and philosopher Kim 'why is she still a thing' Kardashian once said: "Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us."
I'm kidding that was actually 'You get a car' handy-pal Oprah Winfrey.
For many however, people will hope that there is a definite end to 2016, which for some has been about as repugnant as soiling yourself every time you put on some nice trousers.
Donald Trump becoming President, Brexit, terror attacks, the worsening crisis in Syria, a never ending conveyor belt celebrity deaths and of course the death of Harambe (praise be), have left the masses feeling rather disconsolate.
Here are a few random musings of mine that nobody will probably care about - no change there!

1) First up, unexpectedly, the Oscars racism controversy.
For the last two Academy Awards, not one black person has been nominated for best lead or supporting actor and white people have pretty much taken all the awards. Is that a systemic discrimination?
More digging is needed.

Statistically black people make up approximately 13% of the US population. So far so good.
Since 2005, there have been 192 different Oscar nominations for actors and actresses. In that time, 23 black actors and actresses have been in with a chance of winning an award at this ridiculously smug and self-aggrandizing event.
That equates to 12%. So there may be credence to the theory that black people are underrepresented at the Oscars by 1% but there is more.
Since the Millennium, nine black actors and actresses have beat off the competition to sit pretty at the top of the rostrum. That is nine out of 68, equating to 13.2%. And since 2011 again, there is a 14.6% Oscar winning rate in the main two categories.
Worthy of a boycott then? Going by this logic the Latinos have a bigger list of grievances as they are at just 3% for nominations despite being 16% of the population.
When Denzel Washington won his Academy award, was there no racism one year only for it to rear its ugly head the next?
Therefore, the supposition that the Oscars are racist against blacks is factually false, but that does not mean Hollywood does not have any problems of prejudice.
But sticking to this way of thinking, does that mean that there will be calls to decrease the number of black people who dominate the NBA (70%) and NFL (65%) or even a boycott? There shouldn't be.

2) Brexit, but not in the way you would expect.
Despite what some say, lies and fear mongering was propagated by BOTH sides in what proved to be a tortuous and vituperative campaign.
For 'Remain', there was talk of getting net migration under 100,000, which proved not to be true under EU free movement rules, and George Osborne saying there would be tax increases, monumental job losses and spending cuts - none of which have come true.
For the 'Leave' side, the despicable lie that £350m a week would be saved was thoroughly debunked but was still emblazoned on buses right to the very end. Unforgivable that. All of it was an utter mess.

What I want to discuss though is what happened afterwards. Some of the best minds in the country  voted for us to leave the European Union and there are strong points for both sides of the debate.
Yet the holier than thou attitude from remain voters (I voted remain btw) was so smug, so hubristic and just so arrogant.
All of a sudden, so called 'experts' were popping up left, right and centre saying how stupid/racist/xenophobic the winning side was just weeks before the landmark vote. Millions of hard working, decent and intelligent people voted to leave and just because they did that does not mean you are automatically smart and they are neanderthals.
Yes there was discrimination and prejudice mixed into the Leave side but to say the majority of the people who voted are stupid is precisely the reason why people cannot understand why Trump won the election.
Then people had the gall to say older people should not have the vote as they predominately voted Leave. Some of these people may have fought in WW2 to protect their loved ones at home and then went onto contribute to society for decades. Nah, ignore that. Let's listen to generation snowflake...

Finally, to the leave lot who say, 'pipe down remoaners' who are questioning why there is no plan in place, kindly stop that now.
The Leave vote has left Britain with a bunch of leaders who got the ball rolling on Brexit, only to then to act like rats abandoning a sinking ship. This mess is down to David Cameron and now he has resigned and nobody seems to know what the heck is going on. My dickie thighs that have been beset with injuries for five years are showing better strength than these spineless imbeciles. No wonder so many went 'screw you' to the establishment that has left so many behind. 

3) Post-2016 Presidential Election.
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were such disgraces but I won't go into detail on that as I have talked about them before but I already knew they were so instead I will touch upon how the Democratic Party is collapsing before our very eyes and it is entirely their fault.
For instance, 50% of this steaming turd of party, which has been proven to be corrupt, believe that Russia hacked the US Election, aka that is partly why they lost.
The truth is that Wikileaks released information of the scandalous dealings of the Democratic party in terms of screwing over Bernie, helping Hillary by informing her of audience questions, along with video evidence that showed how Democrats were actively trying to rig the election in their favour. This should have been released anyway btw.
However the mainstream media are peddling the very weak claims made by the CIA that Russia hacked the whole thing. That is yet to be proven and even if they did this is a pathetic attempt to divert the attention away from their egregious ways. The elitist and establishment democrats cannot fathom why they lost this election. They look to blame others instead of being introspective and actually understanding how awful they are. These guys need a massive overhaul.

4) America's role in Syria.
Not one that many would expect this topic to be discussed but this just shows why the US should not be involved in Syria.
Throughout last year, articles popped up detailing how militias armed by the Pentagon were fighting those armed by... the CIA. You really cannot make this up.
This perfectly illustrates how little control the US' intelligence officers and military planners have over the groups they have financed, given arms to and trained in and around Aleppo.
Even though everyone seems to love the outgoing President Obama, he has a shed-load of flaws and I will get to that in another article soon.

So that is my jumbled take on a few things that annoyed me but trust me, there was a lot more. Don't get me started on the MTV 'Dear white guys' video...

Lessons to be learned from the US Election

That feeling inside you right now, the one that makes you want to gouge out your eyes, rip out your innards, gag, vomit or just break down and weep uncontrollably - that feeling... is apparently what has made "America great again."
I feel it too comrades. President Donald Trump. To quote King Theoden: "How did it come to this?"

Instead of doing a 'he is so awful' and 'she is so awful' piece - both are truly awful btw - I thought I would try to understand why this happened, be introspective, and see where we can move forward and learn from this.

Before I do that, I must say, one, that they should abolish the electoral college. A system where you can win an election with less votes is baffling to me.

Two. Trump is a monster. A monster that Politifact proved to be a demagogue and a pathological liar - 70% of what he said was proven to be false.

Three. Hillary blew it. She betrayed her own base by running to the right, attracting Neo-cons etc. This flagrant narcissist epitomised why people hate the establishment. "I'm with her" (ME, ME, ME). To lose to the most unpopular Presidential candidate in history, a 63% unfavourable rating, must mean you are doing an atrocious job. 'Basket of deplorables' - that will help your cause...

Four. The Democratic party screwed over the hope and the light that was Bernie Sanders with their rigged system and corruption.
And finally, five. America, you just chose someone who said he would use torture even if it doesn't work. Kill the families of terrorists. Wants to rip up the Paris Agreement on day one. Ban Muslims. Would give Saudi Arabia nukes. Repeal Obamacare, lower wages, the list is endless.

Ok so here goes.
Republicans:
a) Purge your party of ideas such as controlling a woman's reproductive rights. Just back off.
b) People have the right to marry and love whoever they want.
c) Embrace science more. Do not let your religious views encroach on other people's rights.

Democrats and the left in general:
1) Eradicate the metastasizing cancer that is PC correctness and identity politics from your discourse.
Understand that people found Clinton just as horrific as Trump and that millions are not racist, sexist, misogynists, bigots, Islamophobes etc. Because many people who were not white males voted Trump. I voted remain but some of my friends voted Brexit. THEY ARE NOT ALL THESE THINGS.
2)  Get out of your own echo chamber and try to take in other perspectives. Challenge your ideas. Do not become authoritarians and tell someone you should think a certain way because of skin colour. You do not own the moral high ground.
3) Be tolerant of people who do not agree with you. Emotional hysteria is unbecoming if you value reasoned debates.
4) FOLLOW BERNIE SANDERS BECAUSE HE IS THE LIGHT PRETTY MUCH.

The reality is, Trump represented a rejection of the corrupt political elite, despite the fact he is a charlatan and was born into a family with millions and billions and zillions and gillions.
He was seen as more trust worthy than her because of the fact that the Clintons have taken $3b from special corporate interests. The fact that she was caught on tape laughing as she helped a suspected child rapist walk free by doctoring evidence. The fact that she switched positions dozens of times, whenever it is politically expedient after receiving huge pay outs from Wall Street, Big Pharma, the military industrial complex etc. Seemingly being hell bent on starting a Cold War with Russia and... the emails.

He was seen as more trust worthy despite the fact that he has said some abhorrent things, has sexually assaulted women, dodged paying taxes for much of his life and was viewed as a greater catalyst for change. That is how bad she was. She lost to this abomination.
Many millions did vote for him due to bigotry, racism, discrimination etc, but many millions also voted for him because he had a populist message.

'My name is Michael Caine', in the Batman Movies as Alfred the Butler, said: "In their desperation, they turned to a man they didn't fully understand."

Where to now Muuurrriccaa??

As the U.S wades into the tenebrous, unfriendly and unknown waters that is the future, it does not appear that there is much hope. A Republican majority in both the Senate and the House of Representatives and surely another right winger on the Supreme Court, yikes.

I hope this cretin will not be given free reign as it could be disastrous. And I hope this obliterates the establishment and the grass roots campaign Bernie started can flourish and bloom into a rare and beautiful flower. Not just analysing its sun kissed beauty but bathing in its snugness and splendor.

There is more we don't know than we do and I think that is frigging awesome.
In the words of Edward R. Murrow: "Good night, and good luck."

Give Georgia a Six Nations chance for pity sake!

Can you imagine a Six Nations without Italy or France? Former England International David Flatman considers the prospect of a relegation playoff.

The Five Nations became six when Italy joined at the turn of the century. Since then the Azzuri have claimed the wooden spoon 10 times from a possible 16 at the titular event.

ITV pundit and former Bath prop David Flatman believes that a more meritocratic tournament should be considered, with the likes of Georgia, who briefly usurped Italy in the world rankings last spring, deserving that chance.  

“I certainly think it is conceivable to have a sixth placed two-legged play-off,” he said. “Look at how Georgia and Japan have improved with little to no exposure of playing tier one nations.

“Italy have had that ultimate exposure for years and years and frankly have done nothing. It doesn’t mean we drop them away, but we should incentivise those nations and give them something to strive for.

“Without regular exposure against the tier-one nations it is hard to kick on but when you run Ireland very close back in the 2007 World Cup and beat Tonga last year, they deserve a shot.”

In recent years, Scotland, Wales and France have all finished bottom, but whilst an Italian demotion is cogitable, is the same to be said for these three nations?

 “The flip side is, if a Scotland or France finish last, for them getting dumped out is inconceivable to me. What if England got dumped out? That cannot happen,” he said.

“You absolutely cannot have relegation just for Italy. There needs to be a mechanism worked out somewhere, but there is a crescendo of thinking in regards to including Georgia.

“If they replaced France one year, you lose something huge from the tournament. I would love to see Georgia play at Twickenham soon for an Autumn international like Japan are in Wales.”

New Zealand coach Steve Hansen believes the gap is closing between the top and tier-two sides, with the Lelos, who won their fifth Nations Cup in a row last year and are currently ranked at 14^th in the world, being a prime example of that.

World Rugby Officials awarded Georgia the right to host the U20 championship next year, recognising how they have shown outstanding progress in recent years. Whether or not their tremendous progress can be rewarded with a chance to play at the Six Nations remains to be seen. 

Star Wars: A new h... I mean the force awakens - episode IV sorry VII

Just let it in... 

A short while ago, in a place not too far from where Hot Fuzz was filmed... I thought of writing my first ever film review. There are a cornucopia of reasons why I haven't done a film review before. One, I don't know what the feck I am talking about. That pretty much sums it up. Utterly clueless. Like me (the man who can't even spell the words fashun cents) trying to buy myself clothes. I will stop there as that is I think the main crux of the matter. All other reasons pale into insignificance. If a film was an elbow, I would think it was an arse. That'll do.

JENS!

Anywho, this film. I am a fairweather Star Wars fan. J'adore les lightsaber duels, musical score, racing across the galaxy etc but I am a parsec or so away from being an expert.

Much like Jens 'I'll start a fight with anyone' Raitanen, thinking he can win any fight even if they outnumber and outmatch him, which happens every single time and he would get decked.

I was insanely excited for this film and although it didn't reach my extraordinarily high expectations, delicately perched on the top of the impossibly high shelf, in Uncle Bernie's mini library, I very much enjoyed it.

The acting was superb, the effects were spectacular and Daisy Ridley has now entered my elite "angel" realm, pushing down Rachel McAdams to fourth place. Stunningly beautiful, shucks!

However one thing was gnawing away at me like a waiter saying they have my favourite drink of Appletizer but instead they bring me a crowning turd in the waterpipe with some fizzy apple stuff supposedly masquerading as Yahweh's chosen drink (I am such a snob with this drink, apologies). 

This film, was eerily similar to episode IV. A droid is carrying crucial information to/about a Jedi in hiding. There is a rebel alliance/resistance that seem hopelessly outmatched and soon to be vanquished by an impossibly powerful death st... I mean weapon that AGAIN gets blown to smithereens after they ascertain its weak point. Deja vu? 

These guys are like bacteria with their multiplication!

I'm not finished. Another out-of-keel, dysfunctional and debilitated father-son relationship, some more great piloting but this time an all too easy infiltration of the base. No Jedi mind tricks at the disposal of Chewie and co and yet they waltz in planting bombs everywhere and then find my new love - one that could happen as she is my age and therefore attainable....... #daretodream.

Other things that got my goat: Not enough explanation on the First Order; how did they get so powerful without any resistance and how the hell did they get a death star on the best steroids money/credits can buy? 

Did potential future Mrs Mills, who I assume had no Jedi training whatsoever, get too powerful too quickly?

Mee saaa annoying as feck!

Don't get me wrong, I still liked it a lot. A deeply conflicted villain, the two youngsters just hitting the bullseye and as I type this I plan on seeing it again not just because of Ms Ridley's perfect face but because it was like a two hour freedom trip. 

This is my first and probably my last film review as I will probably be rebuked with ease by the three people who read this blog, up from one and 7/10. 

Future Mrs Mills....

I just feel JJ Abrams maybe wrote this as a nostalgia piece to the original trilogy with some new kids on the block and didn't dare to tread too far away from what is a proven success story, whilst veering far off the Jar Jar Binks prequels. Too much of a forward defensive shot and not enough footwork to set up those cover drives.

I don't know much, but I know that I love Daisy Ridley. Marry me please?

Is Formula One the dullest sport in existence?

Carrying on from my woefully unpopular, fantastically disastrous and viciously panned 'Is American Football the dullest sport in existence' blog from three years ago (a good friend of mine actually wrote a blog rebuttal as he was that incensed with it!), I have decided to give that garbage a run for its money with a brief rant.

Old JP

Last time I did one of these I was banned from the American Football section of several of the sport forums I frequent and received several death threats, with one particular nasty incident culminating in a horse's head being left at the bottom of my bed.
Lucky for me I don't have a horse, I think it was JP McAvoy's or Frankel's or Red Rum's?
Just throwing out my fluent horse knowledge there.

And now for something completely different...

'Boring'. 'Very boring'. 'Stabbing myself repeatedly with a pair of garden scissors was less painful'. 'Unwatchable' and 'I'd prefer to get the runs.'

Some of these are genuine quotes from genuine people like Sir Stirling Moss, two-time world champion Fernando Alonso and former world champion Jacques Villeneuve and a few unknowns like Sebastian Vettel, Daniel Ricciardo and Mr Jerry Halliwell, have said similar stuff. Others are from an unfunny, kooky blaggard...

The Grand Prix Drivers Association conducted a poll recently, with 215,000 petrol-heads in 194 countries taking part, and found that the sport was described as 'expensive, technological and boring.' 89% of participants said the sport should be more competitive. Somewhat of a scathing indictment.

Even F1 die hard fans admit the sport is in a rut. In 2014, the sport lost 25m TV viewers, the same year as the new engine rules began.
This certainly hasn't helped the chief executive of the Formula One Group, Bernie Ecclestone, sell this new era of formula one, something he describes as a 'crap product'. Ouch.

Helmut Marko, Red Bull's motorsport advisor, has bemoaned Mercedes' monopoly of the sport.
"If we are totally dissatisfied we could contemplate an F1 exit." A matter even Bernie sympathises with. One of the sport's biggest names leaving? Again not another glowing endorsement.
Even Lewis Hamilton admitted this lack of competition isn't healthy for the sport.

F1 is becoming a procession. Mercedes won 16 of 19 races last season, starting 18 on pole. Hamilton won 11 of those races and Mercedes set a record 11 first and second finishes in a season.

This year could be playing out in that very vein.
Mercedes' dominance is becoming as predictable as Jens Raitanen wearing this jumper on every occasion ever!

The racing community are crying out for putting an end to F1's dependence on downforce, the fact the driver's role is being cut down, a return to re-fuelling, a lack of overtaking and equalising engine performances.

"Let me just catch the start of the race," said Tenniscoachno1897650 (my old youtube name from when I was 14) senior.
This was his ploy to get out of washing the dishes after Sunday lunch; but he did do an absolute rip-snorter of one so no beef there. (Coincidentally beef was rarely on the menu.)
After the washing up was done, Papa Tenniscoachno1897650 would sure enough be snoring away after no more than four laps had been completed. Ahh good memories.

Kimi Raikkonen, a pretty cool mofo and voted the sport's favourite driver (obviously!), said this: "Racing itself should be more exciting again. I want more fights, wheel to wheel battles, but that isn't easy when you want to bring in sophisticated cars."

Listen to the guy!
He loves ice cream!

This is a drunk Kimi falling off a boat! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VW2oAkjcJ4                                                                                                            
                                     
 ... and he loves a bit of fancy dress!


 Change F1 or you may lose this guy and Jens!