Star Wars: A new h... I mean the force awakens - episode IV sorry VII

Just let it in... 

A short while ago, in a place not too far from where Hot Fuzz was filmed... I thought of writing my first ever film review. There are a cornucopia of reasons why I haven't done a film review before. One, I don't know what the feck I am talking about. That pretty much sums it up. Utterly clueless. Like me (the man who can't even spell the words fashun cents) trying to buy myself clothes. I will stop there as that is I think the main crux of the matter. All other reasons pale into insignificance. If a film was an elbow, I would think it was an arse. That'll do.

JENS!

Anywho, this film. I am a fairweather Star Wars fan. J'adore les lightsaber duels, musical score, racing across the galaxy etc but I am a parsec or so away from being an expert.

Much like Jens 'I'll start a fight with anyone' Raitanen, thinking he can win any fight even if they outnumber and outmatch him, which happens every single time and he would get decked.

I was insanely excited for this film and although it didn't reach my extraordinarily high expectations, delicately perched on the top of the impossibly high shelf, in Uncle Bernie's mini library, I very much enjoyed it.

The acting was superb, the effects were spectacular and Daisy Ridley has now entered my elite "angel" realm, pushing down Rachel McAdams to fourth place. Stunningly beautiful, shucks!

However one thing was gnawing away at me like a waiter saying they have my favourite drink of Appletizer but instead they bring me a crowning turd in the waterpipe with some fizzy apple stuff supposedly masquerading as Yahweh's chosen drink (I am such a snob with this drink, apologies). 

This film, was eerily similar to episode IV. A droid is carrying crucial information to/about a Jedi in hiding. There is a rebel alliance/resistance that seem hopelessly outmatched and soon to be vanquished by an impossibly powerful death st... I mean weapon that AGAIN gets blown to smithereens after they ascertain its weak point. Deja vu? 

These guys are like bacteria with their multiplication!

I'm not finished. Another out-of-keel, dysfunctional and debilitated father-son relationship, some more great piloting but this time an all too easy infiltration of the base. No Jedi mind tricks at the disposal of Chewie and co and yet they waltz in planting bombs everywhere and then find my new love - one that could happen as she is my age and therefore attainable....... #daretodream.

Other things that got my goat: Not enough explanation on the First Order; how did they get so powerful without any resistance and how the hell did they get a death star on the best steroids money/credits can buy? 

Did potential future Mrs Mills, who I assume had no Jedi training whatsoever, get too powerful too quickly?

Mee saaa annoying as feck!

Don't get me wrong, I still liked it a lot. A deeply conflicted villain, the two youngsters just hitting the bullseye and as I type this I plan on seeing it again not just because of Ms Ridley's perfect face but because it was like a two hour freedom trip. 

This is my first and probably my last film review as I will probably be rebuked with ease by the three people who read this blog, up from one and 7/10. 

Future Mrs Mills....

I just feel JJ Abrams maybe wrote this as a nostalgia piece to the original trilogy with some new kids on the block and didn't dare to tread too far away from what is a proven success story, whilst veering far off the Jar Jar Binks prequels. Too much of a forward defensive shot and not enough footwork to set up those cover drives.

I don't know much, but I know that I love Daisy Ridley. Marry me please?