PGL: This is not a job, this is a hobby! BEST HOBBY EVER! :D

***Warning: This blog contains a lorry load of exaltation and a bucket full of gleeful ecstasy, which some may find slightly nauseous or too hot to handle! Warning!***

After graduating from the prestigious "Wacky University of Eccentric Exuberance" of Smethwick, Birmingham, with flying colours, as well as holding a PHD in merriness (both with liquor & exhibiting joyous tendencies), in behaving like a big, rambunctious, fun-loving kid who never wants to grow up, I felt right at home when I began my PGL outdoor activity centre job on the February 6th 2014.

My journey began in Lincolnshire, Caythorpe PGL centre to be precise, for an extremely arduous 10 day training course. In order to pass this Everest type challenge I was pitted against trying to unlock the ongoing quandary of having to try and distinguish a noteworthy difference between my hiney and my elbow. After a shaky start... "well this beats sitting around all day on our elbows," I passed and 18 of our original company of 40 or so took the long coach ride to the "auld" enemy or bonny Scotland!

Caythorpe birthday celebrations!

Bear with me for a moment as I divulge a sentimental, soppy anecdote or two from my time at the training course... ok cheers, that will do. I kid, just one or two honestly.
My fellow trainees were made up of an eclectic, cultural fruit salad (Aussies, South Africans, Americans, Canadians, Maltese and a vast array of Brits) of fun bundles.
Drunken nights (particularly on my 21st and 12 months birthday, involving copious amounts of booze and a shower to let my pent up inner feelings into...), ball-bouncingly funny incidents, namely a cheesecake moment (Ellis you know what I'm talking about you dog you!) and an awful night of glass shattering, lives will be lost karaoke from my PGL trainee comrades.

Welcome to Scotland!

I was sad to see my PGL family depart for a multitude of varied destinations but I I had just injected with a frisson of excitement for my first escapade into Scotland and my PGL centre, Dalguise!

Dalguise!

The staunch English patriot in me, (wait that's a lie, I can't even spell the word stau... wait never mind) was tested right from the off as we weaved a serpentine 'S' through the breathtakingly beautiful Scottish countryside. As first impressions go, I was blown away... and then we reached our location; Dalguise. It had everything. A stunning backdrop - with the centre perfectly cut out of the landscape, bestowing upon it a wonderful and natural disposition - extremely warm and welcoming staff and best of all, the best job I could ever wish for. For the next 4 months (extended by another 3 weeks out of loving the role so much) this would be my home and what a home it was... "ha.. GAY!"

More Dalguise!

My Sheldon impression.

Neverland is perhaps the most apt way to describe how much I adore working for PGL in Scotland as an Activity instructor/group leader. This entailed me instructing sessions to approximately a dozen kids, ranging from ages 7-16, in Archery, Challenge course, Quad bikes, Mountain Bikes, Survivor (Ray Mears type session), Problem solving, Orienteering, Sensory trail and Forest Hike (my personal fave as you take in beautiful views, tell fictitious stories and make the kids do stupid stuff like putting sticks on their heads masquerading as antlers!). Add zip wire, giant swing, a multitude of climbing activities and raft building among others, it is easy to see why kids adore this activity haven.

Four 90 minute sessions a day from 9-12 and 2-5, may not sound much but the energetic, palpable and boisterous enthusiasm that is embedded in this job does cream cracker knacker ya, as does a bunch of unruly and sugar fueled kids, who think that listening involves speaking! You have my sympathy teachers, I was a terror back in the day...

My humble...

...abode!

Clockwork was the name of the game. Breakfast at 7.50; Morning meeting 8.20; Session preparation: 8.30-9 (e.g. quad bike set up, setting up the track, maintenance quad checks, signing in and out for the session). Sessions 9-12; Lunch 12:00; sessions 2-5; Dinner: TBC.... sorry the clock broke there, take that nature (I am seeking psychiatric assistance who recommend experimenting with a more potent and increased dosage). Oh and say goodbye to your weekends, as you don't get any! One day off a week.. eek!

Bungalow!

Personally, a few of the ground sessions (the aforementioned activities) that I undertook started to lose their excitement, partly due to returning to autopilot/answering machine mode because of having to deliver safety talks, dealing with disinterested and unruly kids and my own at times perfunctory delivery for a less than riveting session of Orienteering or Challenge Course.

Welcome to Dalguise!

That is where the other side of my job role, "Group Leader" came in. I LOVE BEING A GROUP LEADER ITS SO MUCH DAMN FUN GOD NAB IT!
This flourishing, beautiful and rare flower of a job involved being as creative, wacky... (see first paragraph for more adjectives) as humanly possible.
For those confused onlookers and readers who actually read this blog - for the few that do, many thanks! - ("GET ON WITH IT!") I would be in charge of a group ranging from school groups, brownies, cubs, scouts,  families, learning & physical disabilities, young carers etc.
I would welcome them when their bus arrived (involved non-stop waving down a fairly length drive, where going too soon could lead to fatal arm cramps), introduce myself, do a site tour, get them to their accommodation, explain the fire procedures, what activity groups they were in, out of bounds areas (known as chocolate hills because if they went on them they would owe me or their leader a chocolate!) and the dining room procedures and etiquette.

From thereon in the madness commenced! I ate with my group at every meal, sang PGL songs (Ones I knew: Banana, Coconut, Everywhere we go, Coca Cola, Boom Chicka, Crazy Moose (my signature song), Chicken, Goldfish and my own made up and adapted songs, for which I am quite proud of!) and played games with them (Ninja, Down in the jungle, Splat, Evolution, Fishy fishy fishy, Chaos tig, Head it catch it and general sports).
Joyous bedlam ensued, along with a plethora of nicknames: Richie, Rich Tea, Ricardo, Richie Rich, Cheesy Ritz and even Razzle Dazzle?? :P

Wacky Wednesday!

I was with my group from around 7:30-9am, 12-2pm and then 5-9pm where I would be with them for their evening activity! Incoming groups would book in advance what evening activity they wanted.

The prix fixe menu is as follows:
Starters:
a) Passport to the World - Groups go round Dalguise looking for flag signs on trees and answer the questions. £5 (The short straw).
b) Splash - Teams undertake challenges trying to earn more equipment for their team to make a water baby which will then be thrown off the tower to see if it doesn't pop. £5.50 (Hit & miss).
c) Wacky Races - Races with a twist. The more creative and wacky the better! £7 (Has it's ups and downs).

Main Course: 
a) Campfire - Lots of groups invariably would come together to sing songs, play games and toast marshmallows! £20 (The best of the lot! It's scientifically proven).
b) Cluedo (I've led this as the Policemen in a Scottish accent!) - A live re-enactment of the board game where staff and teachers would dress up as Cluedo characters and the kids would have to deduce (by completing the Cluedo character challenges) who committed the crime, with what object and where it took place. The culprit would be "wetsecuted", much to the roaring delight of the kids, which meant getting soaked by buckets of water: It is freezing! £12.50 (Always a blast!).
c) Disco - Most groups on centre (max capacity is 400+) go to a massive disco in the sports hall dome and plays mainstream bleurgh and old school cheesiness: this can grind my gears somewhat! (Please stop!) £15

Donning the PGL blues!
With a Canadian (running joke). 

Deserts:
a) Ambush - A glorified version of hide & seek in teams, where we put on army gear and camouflage up! £10 (Fun for all the family!).
b) Robot Wars - In rival teams, the groups battle against each other making cardboard cut out robots, that they put on, before battling it out in the arena where they are blindfolded and throw flour and water at each other. £8.50 (Exceeds expectations).

A pure feast of enjoyment no?

Deep fried mars bar,
not a battered poop!

Insert random anecdote: One mountain bike session my fellow instructor was leading a maintenance bike check... where he got into a stickier situation than when 'Sticky' the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun. "The tyre pressure needs to be as hard as an apple... but as soft as an orange." I immediately spat out my drink and was in hysterics for some time, along with the accompanying teacher, something that went over the heads of the kids and also my colleague! Random anecdote finito. 

Right from the off I knew I would not be a draconian disciplinarian, like my teachers gone by. I chose the "you're wasting your own time" tactic, which at times had diminishing returns but was still decent.
The most effective and brilliant way to get the attention of my children/minions (everyone is obsessed with Despicable Me here) was to do a chant to get everyone's attention, rather than shouting at kids.
For example, "Oggy oggy oggy" and they reply "Oy oy oy" = silence! The more creative the better! Other PGL examples: a) "I don't care", "I love it". (b) "Who let the dogs out", "Who? who? who?", along with the YMCA, We will rock you, Spongebob Squarepants, Scooby Doo and so on.

Just a bit special.... :)

Syttende Mai!

Unlike several martinet drill sergeant teachers before me, I was all about creativity and fun, perhaps with a page of learning discretely tucked away between the Richie happy-do-lally catalogue. This involved using copious amounts of facepaint (Sassy Saturday, xenophile celebrations with Suzy & Geeska!) and using the costume cupboard as much as possible, a must on Wacky Wednesday.
PGL for me is like one beautiful triple teared sponge cake. Amazing job (sponge), great mates (jam and cream), beautiful scenery (icing), delicieux!

As you can well imagine this job is quite rewarding and humbling at the same time. Some kids from underprivileged backgrounds, mental or physical disabilities, for example, really have the time of their lives and can even shape their lives for the future.
They will never forget that week at PGL where they climbed to the top of tree climb (75ft), or went on the giant swing, hit that gold in archery or rofl-ed on the floor laughing at their raft building attempts and the close friendships they formed. You can't take that away from some people.
It increases confidence, teamwork and communication to name just a few, but generally at the end of it all many come out in floods of tears as they depart PGL, begging not to go or begging you to come with them!

This is why I loved being a group leader and the job itself has had a profound impact on me. "Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life!"  REMEMBER THAT RICHIE!
PGL really can play an extremely positive role in a child's development. You get to meet such wonderful, funny and enthusiastic young people and I was rewarded for being as funny, juvenile and wacky as I wanted (groups gave me money, vouchers, chocolate, cakes, cards, letters: nice bonus ey?).

Useless superheroes!

I will never ever forget this time of my life, some of which has been perhaps the happiest I can remember, it will be a very sad day for me when I leave this wonderful place. I vehemently recommend this position (especially at Dalguise, Scotland is beyond fantastic, apart from the midges!) to anyone who is good with kids, enthusiastic and loves outdoor activities.

Wifi spot...

Sure the WiFi was a slow as a wheezy sloth with a severe limp and a heavy suitcase where the wheels have just fallen off and the gossiping (something I avoided quite well, as I DON'T CARE AND IT'S NOT MY BUSINESS) was reminiscent of a teenage girl starting a degree in gossiping, hearsay & airing your dirty laundry... mere afterthoughts to be honest.
At times I really questioned if I should get paid at all for this job (even though they do pay us in laughter and smiles, i.e. not much, for this job but I ain't complaining!), as like I said, this is not a job for me it is a hobby, THE BEST HOBBY EVER!

P.S. 1) Thank you a gazillion brabillion times to PGL for hiring me, I cannot thank you enough!!!
2) Thank you Adam Fine (2nd cousin) for teaching me the wonderful game of 'Spud', which has coincidentally taken PGL by storm!
3) Box shuffles are just awesome fun (ala Toy Story 2).
4) Wheeley suitcases make for great makeshift laundry bags (running joke I started, "Richie, are you leaving?" "Yup fed up of you lot!"... hilarity ensues....). "Look ya feckers, its got wheels on it, zoom zoom zoom!"
5) I love & loath you JP for tricking me into believing that comedian Ross Noble (currently filming his hilarious show 'Freewheeling', complete with a film crew) was coming to PGL, a centre full of kids, because of my tweet offering him a go on PGL's Giant swing. What followed was a nerve jangling hour or so of my boss putting me on the phone to the boss of PGL Dalguise, who then had to call head office of PGL :O. In my uber excited and gullible state I gleefully believed JP's lie, the big meany! Panic over but not without a scare for all!

Richie's Scottish Adventure!

First stop... Edinburgh!

After a tranquil and scenic train ride in, especially as I approached Edinburgh, I was filled with feverish excitement. 5 days. 5 precious days of holiday away to travel bonnie Scotland!

I was giddy and literally bouncing off the ceiling at the prospect of getting into my Chinese tourist persona, which involved taking a plethora of non-stop photos, and taking everything this idyllic and at times stunning city had to throw at me.

Equipped with my irksomely heavy rolling suitcase, I traversed as much as I could before my patience wore thin at hauling around this behemoth of a carrier bag. That didn’t prevent me from getting jaw cramps from the breathtaking Edinburgh backdrop.

 It was an absolute joy strolling and at times skipping gleefully through the picturesque, stone cobbled streets of the capital; Edinburgh, you may have a new resident in a year or two, I love it that much! 

Museums, historical sites, parks, quirky Scottish shops, you name it, I was mesmerised by Edinburgh’s beauty: many, many merry hours spent!
With nowhere to go and a heavy wheelie suitcase by my side/rolling behind me, my resolve and my arms were beginning to fail me.

I therefore, as any on the ball tourist does, sought the nearest tourist information point and eventually meandered down Princes Street, where I stumbled across my place of sanctuary for the night: £12 at the Caledonian Backpackers Hostel.

A real fruit salad of cultures it was: Spaniards, Aussies, Swedes, English, Scots, Americans and an extremely garrulous Latvian. The majority of which all joined in on a spontaneous night out which involved a fair amount of merriness, both with and without liquor, which reached a crescendo at a nightclub that reeked of vomit! Yay!

After an impromptu evening of inebriation, I envisaged a morning of throbbing headaches and sure enough it descended upon me with a fury I had not foreseen, rendering me completely of any eloquence and the ability to articulate how I was to get to the bus station to a confused, yet very helpful Czech receptionist; Sorry!

A Megabus journey awaited, which is never much fun, but who cares... next stop, Glasgow!!!! :D

Second stop.... Glasgow!

Messed up the photo again...

After a fairly tumultuous bus journey, (non-stop crying baby, travel sick guests and a toilet door that would not close) which felt like several days rather than hours, a disgruntled, dishevelled and irritable Richie finally trudged off the bus to a sodden Glasgow.

Another cheap hostel awaited, “St. Enoch Square”, where I met an extremely intelligent, hospitable and captivating South Korean-German who was studying law. We spoke for quite some time in the evening on the law system, I loved it. I mean I do love to learn!

Mind powers!

Before that however, I got my tourist mindset in full gear, headed to the nearest tourist information shop and planned my day ahead from there.... HELLO SCIENCE MUSEUM!

What followed were several, knowledge driven hours of science... oh and a prolonged spate of jovial immaturity! See pics for more details.

I have always been mesmerised by the cosmos and my fascination was heightened at the 16:30 planetarium showing, for which I had quite rightly purchased a ticket: I couldn’t wait!

What may have been construed as “badgering”, when referring to my non-stop questioning to the poor planetarium speaker, I finally left the science centre, complete with several pages of note taking, at around 5pm.

Unlike the beautiful Edinburgh, where I was trigger happy snappy snappy with my aging camera, the merchant city of Glasgow possessed none of the charm, character and awe that the capital had in abundance, IMO (for fear of upsetting the Glaswegian tumbleweed which won't read this blog). Personally I feel it is a city trying to reinvent itself and not entirely sure in which way to go about it.

Never judge a book and all that but in terms of photo worthy pictures, let’s just say they were hard to come by. However my unabating optimism and enthusiasm would not waver like a dying ember.

Thriller!

Next up was a strange viewing of Glasgow’s most noteworthy Necropolis park, near St. Mungo’s, which looked over most of the city. A peculiar sight and one for me that encapsulated Glasgow itself... not the image of the icy spectre reaching out a cold withering hand, more the fact of a lack of identity, bolstered by random and quirky jigsaw pieces that don’t quite fit.

George Square!

On an unrelated note I did very much enjoy the Sainsbury’s salad bar and the £3, 9-inch pizza hut margarita: Bargain city!

2014 is a big year for Scotland as many may well know. As I am predisposed to adore sport, my interest lay firmly in the direction of the upcoming Commonwealth Games, rather than Scottish Independence, which would take place in Glasgow itself. 

A more mellow night out was on the agenda in Glasgow with some of my hostel mates, which was good fun; I really do enjoy meeting randomers and off the cuff socialising, ala Interailing 2013. *PLEASE READ MY BLOG, I AM AN ATTENTION SEEKING WHORE!* 

On the whole I thoroughly enjoyed my brief stay in Scotland’s second city, but I cannot foresee me racing back there anytime soon. Soz!

Final stop.. Aberdeen: aka the Granite City!

My third and final stop would be a long overdue reunion with my very good friend from home, Shaun (3^rd from the left). He is currently undergoing his fourth year finals at Aberdeen University, studying Psychology (Good luck to you Bau!).

There wasn’t much to say apart from a lot of laughter, drinking, comradeship, reminiscing, food and Lacrosse (which was awesome!).

A drunken Mayweather no1 pose

If I may permit myself to say a word to two on the city itself, cheers. Aberdeen is an odd city. Not one building in the centre can escape the cloudy paintbrush that has been swept across the city.

The saying “paint the town red” must have been mistranslated when those town painters arrived in their Transit vans/horse and cart/piggy back to say “paint the town grey”. They did a good job at that but again the city itself did not really appeal to me. 

Two days of chilling out with a great mate was just what the Doctor, specifically catered to Richie but has no medical expertise or medication to extend my way, (not really a Dr at all then come to think of it) ordered.

So that was it. My Scottish escapade had come to a magnificent theatrical close. As far as performances go, my mini tour of scratching the Scottish surface delivered with flying colours.

I am becoming so fond of this wonderful country: It’s people, culture, nature, I really could go on. It will be a very sad day when I leave this place.
I may try and change the saying “don’t know what you’ve got until its gone,” to “cherish what you have got for every second it’s worth, because this is frigging amazing,” ... or something a tad catchier!

Not all news is negative news!

I don't really do blogs where I plunder my innermost thoughts and even tribulations but as I have already broken my New Years resolution (mind your own business what it was!) I have decided to be all deep and meaningful and stuff... so here goes.

Recently I undertook a thoroughly engaging and enriching - don't worry there won't be much of this cheesy mush... of course there will be that is my strapline! Richie: Lots of cheesy mush! - News Associates journalism session where we got a taste of what journalists are faced with on a day to day basis.
We were shown what to look for in articles to make them appealing and eye catching to the public, how important scrupulous and meticulous details are before ending with a news room scenario.


The more I listened and watched the more I learned about the cut throat nature of the printed press and how the state of apathy, not empathy ruled supreme.
Appalled is too strong a word but I was certainly rather disheartened about how newspapers respond to news.

Most news is negative, that is what grabs the headlines. The ongoing crisis in Syria, expenses scandals, critics of the police to name but a few. An endless multitude of negativity and the realisation of how flawed a race we truly are.
The ocean, like news, can be an unforgiving and cruel mistress. Positivism is drowned by habitual skepticism and ill feeling in the sweltering, unrelenting desert.
But every now and again the helpless, flailing man kicks hard to grab onto the fast escaping lifebuoy of hope.
Treasure these rare moments - like the Chilean Miner Crisis - for they are fleeting and a mere whisper of them can be lost in the wind.
This is not enough. Good news is so few and far between I don't want to dive into that icy cold abyss.

But there is hope. That hope is sport. Sport is the light.
Here you can not only analyse such sunlit perfection, you can bask in its warmth and splendour.

"ENGLAND WIN THE WORLD CUP!"
                 "ANDY MURRAY WINS WIMBLEDON!"









"GOLD FOR TEAM GB!"



"NICK GRIFFIN IS DEPORTED! - No wait sorry got carried away there, wishful thinking.

Even in England's Ashes humiliation, on the opposite side of the coin Australia are celebrating their well earned triumph. Bad news for one is good news for another!
Sport however frequently weaves its own webs of controversy, criticism and corruption with drug scandals, match fixing and poor role models, so it is not exactly squeaky clean but sport is a spectacle and a wonderfully enjoyable one at that.
The London 2012 Olympics illustrates this point so much more beautifully and eloquently than I can muster through words.
A nation forgot all its troubles and cares to unite under one banner. A harmonic celebration where we rejoiced with one another through the wonderful world of sport.

This is what I want to do. It may not be as important as curing the sick, or building bridges (literally and figuratively) or educating the minds of tomorrow but I know sport's positives and there are many.
I'm a positive person on the whole and on the whole I want my job to be positive as well, wouldn't you?


On an unrelated note, thank you to my five (now six, whoop whoop!) followers who have stuck with me through morbidly obese (thick) and cycling training svelte (thin).